I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize