but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
