Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
