So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize