pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
