You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
