I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
