I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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