i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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