he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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