im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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