my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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