here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
