a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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