sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
