I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
