Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
