Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
