When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
