I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I would fuck him just for his dog
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