just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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