I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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