I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
