Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
