have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
