What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Shame is for Republicans.
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