come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
