she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
