Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
