thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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