why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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