If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
