there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
