She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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