Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
