period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize