Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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