So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
