she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
