So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
