Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
