I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
