bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
he just fucked me for my cheese..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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