She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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