Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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