okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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