the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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