Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
