i just had sex bonerless
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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