I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
