So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
