yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
