Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
