I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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