When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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