dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
