I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
