the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
