oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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