The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
