The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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