i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
