Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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