its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
