I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize