tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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