Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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