I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why is half of my head shaved?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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