She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
