We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize