did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
