You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
its liver damage thursday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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