Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
