I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize