the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
