i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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