i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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