I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
