hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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