you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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