He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
