your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
