No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
