WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
