I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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