My Higher Power is John Stamos
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
