If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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