He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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