I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
