You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
