Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
