nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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