I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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